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I was shocked by her courage and compassion to approach me without fear of making me cry. It touched me that she was able to look beyond herself and take a risk at saying or doing something that could possibly offend someone else. If there's anything I've learned as a bereaved mother and bereavement specialist, it's the necessity of taking social risks. 'Tis better to make a faux pas than dismiss the bereaved to save one's own face. On the other hand, those of us in the bereavement community can still raise the cultural awareness of managers and co-workers in the way they express compassion on the job. Fear and sadness are universal human emotions. But as Tobin Gonzales Barrozo,an associate chancellor at State University in St. Paul, Minnesota wrote in "Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death and Grief" (1993, Page xviii): "There are habits of mind and sentiments that are the products of growing up in a particular culture. Different cultures and the great world religions they embody are lenses through which reality is viewed. A lens with an amber tint reveals a world different from a world seen through a lens of different hue. To think that all human beings experience reality the same way is ethnocentric. Dying and grief are intensely personal, yet these experiences and feelings cannot be separated from who we are and from the cultures that nourish and surround us." Since the tragedy of September 11, I believe we've only seen the tip of the iceberg in terms of physical, mental and emotional fallout. It's no surprise that many of us feel exhausted, somber and disappointed that the holidays weren't as merry as they've been in the past. Add today's recession and the myriad downsizings and layoffs, and you can well imagine why employee assistance counselors are sending more employees to the doctors these days for care beyond their jurisdiction. In fact, according to Watson Wyatt Worldwide (a global human resources consulting firm), health care costs in the Northeast could increase an additional 1 percent to 1.5 percent in 2002 because employee assistance counselors have been referring many employees to doctors who, in turn, have prescribed antidepressants. For people who are depressed, medical costs are typically two to three times higher than for those who are not depressed. As a death education and counseling provider, don't be surprised if you experience an increased need for on-site services. Employers are learning that they can't just refer employees to EAPs. Only a small percentage of employees with access to such programs actually use them. Many human resources professionals also are beginning to realize they have to recognize and honor the ways in which their multi-ethnic workforce is coping with their losses. After all, it is culture that shapes each individual's belief in the meaning of death and how we die and mourn. Keep in mind that millions of grieving individuals are masking or subduing their sorrow at work for 8, 10, 12 hours each day. Donald Irish, a co-editor of "Ethnic Variations in Dying, Death and Grief" (1993, Page 3) reminds us that there's diversity in universality. "This efflorescence of "identity" needs among many minority peoples, sometimes accompanied by a resurgent nationalism, is provoking within the majority, dominant populations attitudes and actions that are anti-immigrant, anti-alien, anti-differentness. Such concerns are further heightened during times of economic distress and external threats. There is a very real need for program and resources to counter these trends and to enhance the fairness of institutions in societies that value equality of opportunity and political freedom." Irish wasn't referring then to racial profiling after the September 11th attacks. That's another subject altogether. What he's referring to is the intolerance and anger that disregards mutual respect. Cultural diversity in relation to death, dying and grief will manifest itself on the basis of gender, age, race/ethnicity and religion. The more filters you can access, the better you'll be able to understand the needs of the bereaved. Below are a few examples to illustrate how race/ethnicity and religion can impact an employer's appropriate versus inappropriate actions in the face of an employee's loss. The most important thing to remember is that culturally-aware gestures of respect—or restraint—can go a long way. Given today's workplace demographics, employees are better served by not expecting one dominant cultural response to death, dying and grief.
In "Death and Dying: Views from Many Cultures," Richard A. Kalish reminds us that: "Each society has developed roles, beliefs, values, ceremonies and rituals to integrate death and the process of dying into the culture as a whole and to help individuals cope with the mysteries and fears of death. And each individual must adapt these folkways to his or her own needs, wants, personality and situation." (1977, page iii) Indeed, if ever there was a greater need for culturally-sensitive death educators and counselors, it is now. As our country continues to mourn after the September 11th terrorist attacks, let us continue to expand our knowledge of the myriad ways in which people grieve. There is no right or wrong way to mourn, only a human way.
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